b e a n s k i . n e t

I have been thinking about converting my blog to a more portable solution for quite some time now and finally got around to doing it. ALL manually I might add because this crappy tool I put together back before I knew anything about blogs can't export. I'm still working on moving comments and updating links and will redirect this domain to the new site as soon as that is finished. So update your readers and/or favorites, my blogging friends, and go on over to my fancy new Typepad site...you will be rewarded with some juicy details for going there...so GO NOW. I'll miss you terribly if you don't.



P.S. I'm pregnant.

I spent my first Mother's Day as a mom in the car driving from Mankato to Duluth alone with my little teething Renee (she sprung her first tooth yesterday). The trip down on Friday didn't go so good so I was sad that we were going to spent our first Mother's Day together crying our way down the road for four hours. She must have wanted to do something special for me because she was a little sweetie all day. We stopped and did some shopping to break up the trip and she rode around in her backpack playing with my hair and giggling every time I talked to her. And I got to thinking, this mom this really IS all that it is cracked up to be. There are days, sure, when I want OUT. I want to run as fast I can and never look back and then the little sweetheart crawls over to my feet and tries to climb them. Or she'll go from full-on meltdown to smiling and happy the minute I touch her. She makes me feel special and more loved than I ever have been in my entire life. The love one has for their child is really incomprehensible until you have one and you watch them go from this little helpless blob to a real, live person. So I guess you could say we're even. I love her more than I have ever loved in my life too.

The job front has been CHAOS. First I got laid off and then I didn't get laid off. Then I got offered a different job and now I'm trying to figure out what to do. Having two job prospects is better than zero though, right? More on this later when I figure out which end is up.

I lost my job today. Or yesterday. I mean, it's 3:23AM, is it still yesterday? I guess it is TECHNICALLY today but if you don't ever fall asleep, does it ever really turn into tomorrow? I guess I almost sort of knew it was coming but the practical person in me kept thinking 'Can they really survive with no programming support?' and 'Would they really do that to me RIGHT NOW when I need my job more than I ever have in my life?' Apparently the answer to both of those was YES. The best part is that I got told by some snag that I've never met over a conference call with FIVE other people on it. The guy that I know locally that SHOULD be sticking up for his people and should have some degree of guilt for the total mismanagement of the last few months DID NOT SAY A WORD. If I run into him at Cub Foods while I'm buying groceries for my kid using FOOD STAMPS I will not be able to restrain myself from punching him directly in the face.

Ski said the only thing he could say to make himself laugh long enough to stop himself from lying down on the ground kicking his feet and crying, 'Frick it, Dude, let's go bowling.' I wonder how much a game of bowling costs because if I can afford it, I sure could use a laugh. Or maybe I'll just go watch The Big Lebowski because something about John Goodman in a bowling alley always makes me feel better.

It was a big month for the little monster. She's up to all sorts of new tricks. Ski and I also decided to write her back into the will this month after permanently banishing her last month. So now when we croak she's back to having her little mitts on our fortune (or at this rate, more likely, our debt). She slept through the night more nights than she didn't and while it was probably hovering around the 70/30 ratio I'm in a good mood today and have decided to let her live anyway.

The army crawl, Max-style is in full effect. Did you hear that, my daughter can MOVE! I was excited for about 10 minutes until I realized all of the new obstacles and work this was going to mean for me. Now instead of giving me the evil eye from the other room, with whine of course, she can crawl over and plant herself at my feet and whine. Which makes cooking dinner a bit of a challenge. She is sort of thinking about working on her strength so that she can crawl like a normal baby but it has been fully documented that she is LAZY so I'm not holding my breath. She's just starting to pull herself up to stand next to things and will 'walk' across the room if you let her hang on to your hands. For a while there I wasn't sure if she was ever going to show any interest in moving but she came around. Crawling and assisted walking all in one month. Wait a second kid, SLOW DOWN. I almost sort of want her to grow up but most of me just wants her to stay my little baby forever.

The Army Crawl


Walking. I can see where this is headed and am having nightmares about the money I could spent in physical therapy trying to get my back to recover from hunching over teaching her to walk.


My absolute favorite development this month is her fake laugh. Sometimes she'll look at me out of the blue and fake laugh...just to get a reaction out of me. She knows her "laughing" will make me laugh and she does it all of the time. The cats are fake-funny. The plants are fake-funny. Everything is so gosh darn fake-funny. So now we have a fake cry and a fake laugh, am I sensing a pattern here? She definitely has a future in dramatic arts. She'll real-laugh anytime I say plain old words in weird tones. Like yesterday I said "hairbrush" in a high-pitched voice and it got the cutest belly laugh out of her. I said it over and over and she laughed and laughed and laughed.

She's really starting to communicate. One day a while back when I was changing her diaper I casually pointed up at the light and said "LIGHT" without a second thought. You know, my motherly duty is to try to teach her something even if it is as mundane as the word light. Then I went about my business. The next day when I laid her down to change her diaper she pointed at the light with a fury, with this ultra-pleased look on her face like 'You know what that is, Mom, it is a LIGHT." Now anytime I say "Light" her eyes scan the room until she finds something that qualifies as a light and she furiously points at it. I think she's a good candidate for baby sign language so I rushed out a bought a book and I still haven't read it yet. I've been making up my own signs though. She'll throw her hands up in the air and say "Aaa Da" when she's done eating. 'ALL DONE!' She still says Kitty when she sees the cats although that has become more of a 'it-keee' and she says, 'Dada' (with a point) when she sees Ski. She'll point at me if Ski asks, "Where's Mommy?" But I'm not totally sold she can say it yet. I absolutely LOVE that she very deliberately points with JUST one finger. You could almost see her examining her hands trying to figure out how to stick one finger out and when she figured it out she decided to point at EVERYTHING.


She got her first taste of formula this month and she was not impressed. The look of complete disgust on her face was downright hilarious. I tried a couple of different kinds and actually ended up with one that seems to be OK. She's only getting a couple of ounces a day mixed in with her breast milk and solids at daycare but I wasn't making enough milk for her so formula it was. I have to say, I lived through it. Miss Anti-Formula herself lived through it. And Renee is still kicking...IT IS A MIRACLE. Now if only I had done it six months ago instead of getting up three times a night to pump to make sure I had enough milk for her for daycare, I think I might have at least one or two shreds of my sanity left. Oh well, being a raging lunatic is fun in its own right.

She is still toothless unless you want to count the large volumes of drool that are pouring out of her mouth at any given moment. Becky at daycare keeps saying, "She is for sure teething" and I just laugh. Yeah, I've heard that one a time or two. There have been weeks when I have been SURE one is about to pop thorugh any second and then nothing. I'm really hoping that she's not one of those kids that takes like 3 weeks of torture just to pop one tooth. Seriously kid, TOUGHEN UP.

The last noteworthy thing is that we made her second late night trip to the ER this month...this time for croup. I learned that croup can fool you into seriously thinking your child is going to stop breathing and die at any given moment and that when they say the cough sounds like "seals barking" they are not exaggerating even one little tiny bit. I was awakened to the sounds of her sputtering around in her crib struggling to breathe one night at about midnight. I ran in there picked her up and told Ski to go warm up the car. By the time the car was warm she was peacefully asleep in my arms. So we turned the car off and went to lay her back down in bed and immediately the sputtering and gasping for breath started again. To the ER we went to encounter some of Duluth's very finest specimens. We waited for almost three hours with a sick baby who refused to sleep because she didn't want to miss Jose's final call to the mistress about her cheating on him again and how no one loves him. It SUCKED. When we finally got home at 3AM I ended up holding her upright so she could breathe for the rest of the night. The only good part about this croup story is that I now know what croup is like and next time we will NOT be going to the ER in the middle of the night. Mommy Lesson #749: Croup... CHECK.

There is nothing quite like a ride on the daddy airplane. Guaranteed to replace all forms of whining with giggles at the drop of a hat.


I lost count at 1,236 for how many hours we have spent at the window looking outside. I think she is looking for spring.


Playing "catch" with daddy... no fewer than 10 guaranteed minutes of no whining. I have a passionate love afair with that ball.


Don't think I don't know what you are up to, Lady. BECAUSE I'M ON TO YOU.


Finally my favorite for the month because there is NOTHING in the world like a sleeping ten-month-old. NOTHING.

I came across this article today. What do you think? Do you mommy YOUR husband? Because I for one am in the "Dude, you're a big boy, grow the frick UP" camp. These women need to hurry up and have kids. I guarantee they'll be better at it than I am. I also feel the need to mention if I ever see a woman cutting her husband's meat up at a dinner party I reserve the right to bitch slap her.

What is that white stuff falling out of the sky?


This picture was taken just minutes before I threw myself head first out of our third floor window. So help me God, if I happen to find Mother Nature I will strangle her with my bare hands.

Conversation heard on the radio this morning:

Host 1: "I believe that everything will be wireless in 50 years."
Host 2: "Not everything can be made wireless. I mean, are you going to have a wireless lawnmower?"

HO-LEEE CRAP, Genius. That is all.

Oh, a chain letter. I used to be a sucker for chain letter emails and since I have a serious case of blog block and no ambition to take pictures, this works. Besides, everyone else was doing it...and I am ALL about doing just what everyone else is doing.

1. Maybe I should stop going to bed at 8PM as waking up at 4AM sort of sucks.


2. I love the smell of my baby.


3. People would say that I'm a hard worker but that is changing as I get older.


4. I don’t understand women and why they are so competitive with eachother.


5. When I wake up in the morning I'm just praying to get a shower in and makeup on before the spawn wakes up and demands milk.


6. I lost our TV remote control after Renee was born. I found it in one of the gift bags someone sent when she was three months old.


7. Life is full of everything...joy, sorrow, happiness and sadness.


8. My past is full of good memories and good friends.


9. I get annoyed when my husband forgets that he does in fact know how to do laundry and empty the dishwasher.


10. Parties are tiring. I'm a small group person.


11. I wish I had more motivation to learn new things.


12. Dogs are stinky and a lot of work.


13. Cats are my kind of pet. They certainly have minds of their own.


14. Tomorrow I'm going to sit at work for eight hours...just like every other day.


15. I have low tolerance for people who think that their way is the only way and refuse to understand the concept of empathy.


16. I’m totally terrified of being kidnapped or having something bad happen to someone I love.


17. I wonder what people think when they meet me.


18. Never in my life have I gone skydiving. I really couldn't think of anything else here. I've done a lot of stupid things.


19. High school was hard. That age in my life was not easy on me. I never want to go back. Ever.


20. When I’m nervous I bite the skin on my fingers until they bleed.


21. One time at a family gathering 'The Aunts' got drunk and took the Jetskis out on the lake in the middle of the night. We were certain they were not coming back but they did.


22. Take my advice: Have fun, if you don't it is your own fault.


23. Making my bed NEVER happens. I mean NEVER.


24. I'm almost always counting the minutes until I get to go to bed.


25. I’m addicted to wasting time on the computer.


26. I want someone to come over and fix my driveway out of the kindness of their own heart.

My neighbor spent most of yesterday shoveling the snow from his snowbanks INTO his driveway. On Friday he shoveled a foot of snow OFF of his driveway. On Sunday he would come out of his house every few hours as the snow melted and shovel the snow back ON to his driveway. Ski and I watched obsessively, wondering what in the hell was going on. Is it Opposite Day? Did we wake up in some alternate universe? The only explanation that we could come up with is that he was actually trying to make the snow melt faster. I think that guy wins the award for Most Ready for Winter to Be Over. I thought I was in the running but alas I am far too lazy to be bothered with shoveling snow FROM MY YARD INTO MY DRIVEWAY. People are so WEIRD.

Bunco was a success and boy oh boy am I glad it is over. I have been slowly retrieving the items I shoved away from various hiding places and am about 50% of the way to getting our cluttered, over-stuffed lives back to normal. The crew only drank 3 of the 12 bottles of wine I bought for the occassion. I wonder what I'll do with 9 leftover bottles of wine? Oh, let me think, I guess I'll DRINK it. It is a travesty but they left me with no other choice.

My daughter managed to nurse only FOUR TIMES each day this weekend and has FINALLY mastered the art of chugging various liquids from her sippy cup. Water, juice, milk, it doesn't matter, she throws her head back and chugs. When I was in college I was always on the winning chugging teams when we were chugging, you know, milk and juice and water. I think she takes after me. I am so proud.

Good Lord I have a serious case of the Mondays.

Renee is obsessed with chicken and I find it completely hilarious. I put chicken on her plate and she shovels it in to her mouth as fast and she humanly can. I had to finger swipe it out last night because she put too much in there and she couldn't swallow it all. Carrots, chicken, cheese and any kind of bread. I try and try to give her fruit to help out with her pooping (or lack-thereof) problems and she ignores the sweet fruit and goes straight for the meat and cheese every time. She eats just like her daddy who will choke down vegetables if I put them on his plate but won't touch anything resembling fruit with a ten foot pole. What gives?

We missed Elliott's 3rd birthday party this weekend and I feel sad that we weren't there. I heard he had a giant balloon and that he had a lot of fun. I hope you had a magical birthday, little E.

Bunco is TOMORROW...as in one tiny, little day from now. Have I mentioned it is going to involve a whole bunch of people in my tiny little house? Whoa dude, REALLY? The house is a mess and I haven't cooked a single thing yet. Yikes.

How cute is my pregnant sister Annie? I say SUPER CUTE. I can't wait to meet that little sucker. She is so sure it is a boy but then she had a dream the other night that it was a girl and she didn't have a name. Only another 7-8 weeks and we get to find out!

I was adding pictures to Renee's nine months post and decided this one sums her up in a nutshell and warranted its own post.

The little monster turned nine months old yesterday. To be quite frank I'm a day late because she is TIRING ME OUT. Five to eight months where sheer bliss in hindsight. The Ninth month, let's just say I'm glad there isn't another Ninth month coming up. The Tenth month just HAS to be better. It HAS to. I couldn't work on the Nine months post during the day because she won't let me put her down and I can't do it after she goes to bed because I'm too freaking exhausted to do anything except sleep. Most of the things I read about the Ninth month mention separation anxiety and I think we have a pretty advanced case of it going on. Someone told me this month that she didn't know what she was doing when she was whining and I COULD NOT DISAGREE MORE. Others might see her as a helpless little baby that doesn't know what is going on around her but her Mommy knows better. She doesn't miss a thing. She knows how to whine and she's the master of using it to get her way. She whines when I stand up to go to the bathroom or when I'm busy trying to throw dinner together in the kitchen and I'm not holding her for all of 15 seconds. She whines when I don't get the food on to her plate fast enough or when I lay her down to change her diaper. She whines if she sees something across the room that she wants and doesn't have in her hands immediately or if I take something that poses as a choking hazard away from her. HOW DARE YOU, LADY? Don't you know by now that I run this freaking show? I will say when and how much, THANK-YOU VERY MUCH. The good part about all of this: Boy oh boy do I feel LOVED. I think Renee loves me more than anyone has ever loved anyone in the history of the world. She loves me so much she would prefer to be attached to my boob indefinitely. I think if there was a surgery to make that happen Renee would be the first in line. It doesn't matter how much or how many varieties of various solid food choices I offer she's eating those and then nursing too. Absolutely NOT will she consider going down from six feedings a day to five. NO WAY, don't you know I'm STARVING to DEATH? I was hoping I would have one those of kids that just weaned herself at 10 months but it is not looking good. It is going to be a battle and I fear that I may end up being one of those moms nursing a four-year-old. I MUST NOT LET THAT HAPPEN.

I'm watching you.


She's overly frustrated with her inability to move right now. She pushes herself up on her hands and sort of rocks back and forth but when she ends up going backwards because she hasn't figured out how to use her legs she gets PISSED...purposefully pound your face and hands on the floor and cry pissed. She prefers to spend all of her waking hours standing and playing with something that is not hers. Her toys are downright boring and she wants nothing to do with them. The remote control, a phone of any variety and especially magazines and newspapers are all the rage. She tears them to shreds. She can't quite stand on her own without flopping over eventually though so one of us gets the pleasure of sitting there next to her for hours on end. I won't be surprised if she walks before she crawls.


The girl will eat ANYTHING. I have not put a food on her plate that she hasn't eaten. She looked at me funny when I gave her yogurt but that didn't stop her from eating it. I gave her some of my pot roast on Friday night and she loved it. Mmmm, mmmm, mmmmm. She still moans when she eats whether she's nursing or munching on real food. Her hands start shaking with excitement when I go to open the box of Cheerios (she LOVES them). She loves carrots, peas, pears, bananas, kiwis and graham crackers. She eats chicken and sweet potatoes. Don't ask her to eat the pureed food though...that is SO last month. She's starting to figure out the sippy cup and will actually suck out a few drinks of water. She's so proud of herself when she does it.

She's a blubbering fool when she's upset about something and uses the 'B' sound quite liberally. Bu-ubbb baaa bu-ubb has prompted her Daddy to start calling her Boo Boo. If we're still calling her Boo Boo when she's 18 I can look back on this blog and remember that it all started with the blubbering. She can say kitty, mama and dada too, I think. She will look at me if Ski says Where's Mommy? so I think she's even starting to know that I have a name. If I say Hey Renee from across the room she'll jerk her head to look at me. She has a name too. R-A-D.


We did Water Babies at the Y this month and while it took her a while to warm up to it, she loves it now. She is a master of kicking her legs and splashing and last week she even slid off the side to me. It is so funny to watch her as she is very calculating. It takes her until at least 10 minutes in to have properly analyzed all aspects of this swimming thing before she can start splashing and having a good time. She's so serious. She does the same thing to strangers. You know how some babies smile immediately if someone, anyone talks to them? Not my girl. She gives them the stink eye which pretty much says, I do not remember giving you permission to look at me.


I'm working on the pictures for the month and will update this post when I find the time to upload them. For now, just the text will have to do. I've come this far on documenting her month-to-month milestones that I didn't want to miss this one. I sure do love her and feel so lucky and blessed that she is a part of our lives.
**Post updated with pictures.

We did an extended photo shoot on mom & dad's bed this month. I have about 1,000 pictures that I like from that but I think these are my favorites.




I think this is probably my favorite for the month. I'll like it even more when I figure out how to make it look 'vintagey' in Photoshop.

Well not technically. Because Charlie's birthday is really on April 9th. I love that kid. He is feisty as hell but that is what makes him Charlie. Jen always says 'I love his enthusiasm' which some days is code for 'I want to slap him silly' and somedays code for 'he is such a sweet little boy.'


We celebrated this past weekend because we were getting together for Easter anyways and it is easier for my very pregnant sister Annie and her almost two-year-old to travel SIXTEEN HOURS in a car when she has long weekend from school. The sheer number of young children/babies in this family is staggering and it is about to go up at the end of May. I remember when Charlie was a baby and we all fought over who got to hold him next. Now we're thinking 'if I could just have one hand free for five seconds maybe I could wipe my ass.' I'm about to post about 700 pictures because I am too lazy to make a gallery.

My mom asked Charlie what kind of cake he wanted and his reply was a 'turkey cake.' So turkey cupcakes and a big turkey cake it was. Kids are so weird.


Brother and sister going for the demolition of the turkey's head at precisely the same moment. Sarah-cita is going to give her brother a run for his money. She is quite enthusiastic herself.


Not bad, Rama. The cake, that is.


Griff agrees. Pretty tasty.


A big boy bike and a helmet. Thank God for helmets.


Mickey Blue Eyes in the pool. Did you know the characters in the movie Mickey Blue Eyes with Hugh Grant are named Gina and Michael? It's too bad my dad isn't in the maffia.


Annie, Taber & Griff in what might be the last picture I take of them before the three of them become four.


My boys


Renee & Daddy splish splash. Thank God for Water Babies. She loves the water.


This is what Charlie looks like when he's eating all of the candy in his Easter basket even though his mom told him not to. Very sneaky. If you go in your room where no one can see you doing it you won't get in trouble. Or so a particular 3-year-old thinks. THE LITTLE STINK.


Renee in my best (only) attempt at a picture of her in her Easter dress. Bad mommy.


Sarah and her infamous look. She's crawling like a mad lady and screeches about everything. She is a funny baby.


And Sarah sitting still which I can hardly believe I captured because she doesn't stop. Ever. It's a good thing my kid is the laziest baby on the planet because I get tired just watching Sarah.


Finally, the Easter egg hunt. Can you tell I was tired by then?

We have been crazy busy. Most of the busy-ness is related to the fact that I am having SIXTEEN women over to my house to play Bunco in two short weeks. For some reason I feel the need to clean and organize and get something up on the walls in the bathroom that have been bare since 2004. I do not know why I feel compelled to do it but I do know that I lay in bed at night thinking of where I can shove things like my computer desk for a night so I have somewhere for SIXTEEN women to sit. I will admit to the fact that it has crossed my mind to rent a storage unit for a month. The problem with this is that I'm certain that it will push Ski over the edge and he may just file for divorce. And even though I HATE to admit it, I need him. We have a 3-level house and each floor is a mere 800 square feet. Do you think 800 square feet is enough room for SIXTEEN women, an Exersaucer, a Jumperoo, a Leapfrog Learning table, computer desk, general living room furniture and no fewer than four hundred toys to entertain an easily bored nine-month-old? Because I don't. And don't get me started on what in the hell kind of food and drinks I'm going to make because I've been too busy obsessing about the clutter to be bothered with food. Can you say Subway Party Sub? Because I've got a feeling I'll be saying it loud and clear in two weeks. The only item I have on my menu so far is Harvest Popcorn courtesy of my (newly engaged) friend Gretchen. CONGRATS Gretch! Do any of the rest of you Internets have any ideas for easy finger food or easy drinks?

Other bits of randomness:

I was totally unmotivated to take pictures of Renee's First Easter and I feel like a bad, bad mom because of it. I have this urge to go to Target and buy some of those plastic eggs to take her picture with them just so I'm no longer bogged down in guilt.

My brain has decided to prohibit my body from sleeping at night. And I don't like it. I am a walking zombie.

The winter-will-never-end posts started two months ago and it is STILL snowing. I NEED spring. I need flowers and evening walks outside. I NEED OUTSIDE! I NEED OUTSIDE! LET ME OUT!

We had Charlie's 3rd birthday party over the weekend and I so desparately want to find the time to upload the pictures but by the end of the day I can't talk my overly exhausted body to do it. His real birthday isn't until April 9th so I still have time, right?

Renee loses her mind if her little eyes can't see me at all moments of her life. I am no longer permitted to take a pee in private. In addition the little monster refuses to take a bottle from anyone other than Becky at daycare. Not from Daddy, not from Mommy, not from Rama, not from some stranger on the street (I tried it). You get that sucker within a three-foot radius of her and she goes into whine mode and flails her head back and forth refusing to let it get even close to her mouth. Will I EVER get my boobs back? It is not looking good.

But it makes me smile. And I needed to smile.